Monday, May 19, 2014

The Terrible no good gotten very bad...year? last 5 years?

I don't know what to do. Mitch can't find a job, its been 3 months, and we got one unemployment check before they said, no we wont send anymore. and why? who the fuck knows. Speaking of fuck, none of the parents in our neighborhood will let erik play with their kids because he keeps swearing, he never starting swearing all the time until he started hanging out with other kids.
So anything good that ever happens goes all to hell, and no i'm really not being dramatic. Mitch gets a job, oh no he got laid off, fired because he had the flu and couldn't go into work. So mitch gets on unemployed. Good now we can try to get back on track, with the little bit this helps out, oh no, sorry you cant get that anymore, for some reason why wont say. Erik found some kids his own age to play with, oh no, sorry we are actually really terrible judge mental people, and instead of trying to resolve our issues, we are just gonna alienate a 6 year old.
Okay, Sierra is gonna find a better job, something that mets my qualifications because i really desire better then a craft store. oh no, sorry you actually really suck at everything you do, and "could be getting paid less"
every single solution I can possible come up with to make our lives better, even a tiny bit happier, just falls apart. How things are right now, nothing is going to change, i will never have another baby, because if i'm not working i'm eating my feelings and trying not to cry and kill myself and mitch, so erik will be left with not such terrible people as parents. We will never move out because for some reason no one wants to hire me or mitch for things we know how to do. So this is it, and can i really deal with this? no i cant, and neither can mitch. maybe to end it is the better option, maybe erik will have parents who can teach him not to do everything his friends tell him to do, and can help with his add and obsessiveness and his anger. because i'm failing, just like i'm failing at everything else, both my jobs, being a wife, being a mother.

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