Okay blog, we are going into sensitive areas here so don't judge. Do people get thier self esteem from others? Is there a certain body type that defines you as sexy, but once you're past that, then what? Is being too fat mean you can't feel sexy anymore?
I would like to say no, that's total bullshit. You're only as beautiful as you feel. But I'm not so sure lately. In particular as I'm fully naked, attempting to get a lusty reaction and nothing happens.
All the sudden, I'm fully aware of all my folds and saggy titties, and body hair in unsexy places. And I crawl away, hurriedly get dressed while he tells me its not me.
I want to be the type of woman who wouldn't be bothered, I want to take control, slam down and say no, you will get hard because I'm a sexy godess and you're penis should stand at attention and worship me!
Maybe there are none of those woman, maybe no matter what size you are, there are still times when you feel totally undesirable.
Maybe it is past a certain size. The size when everyone looks at you like you're gross. Past just a little chubby. Past acceptable fat. Can I get self esteem now? Knowing that I'm not as desirable as I was? I'd like to think so, just not sure how.
I'm of the belief this has nothing to do with size. I struggle with this exact same issue. Sometimes our drives are on different levels. And I take it personally. Extremely personally. It breaks my heart. I cry myself to sleep. When I reject my husband (which is rare), he rolls over and is snoring within 5 minutes. Why can't I be that way? Why does it hurt so much? It's really not fair.
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